Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Face Come Out Of The Rain

Spring has definitely hit California. We know this because everyone's blowing their noses and dabbing at oozing tear ducts as plants attempt to procreate in our sinuses. Ah, seasonal allergies!

An allergy is defined as " having an allergy or peculiar or excessive susceptibility (especially to a specific factor)" by Princeton's WordNet. They go on to give the example of being "hypersensitive to pollen," which exactly what's going on.

In short, pollen particles are exploding from flowers, wafting through the air, and settling gingerly in your sinuses. If you're a normal human being, your body goes "huh, that's a pollen particle. That shouldn't be there. We'll just gently increase mucus creation until we blow our nose and the pollen particle gets expelled." If, however, you're as allergic as several members of the weird bunch responsible for this blog, your body's reaction goes more along the lines of "OH HOLY JESUS THERE'S TREE SPERM IN MY NOSE! WE MUST FLOOD THE AREA WITH HISTAMINES AND BLAST THE PARTICLE TO KINGDOM COME WITH A VERITABLE SNOT EXPLOSION!! AND THEN KEEP DOING IT JUST TO BE SAFE! AND THEN ADD MORE SNOT TO BLAST AWAY THE SNOT!" Spring making your eyes itch and your nose runn? Yup, that's allergies.

See, that's really all that pollen is. Tree sperm. Which means that the trees are... wait for it... yes. Exactly.

And the Band Name Of The Day is:

Tree Bukake. No, we're not explaining that. You can look it up. But not at work. And make sure your child filters are off.

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